


enjoy your youth (sounds like a threat)

by girlbossgretchen (The_Camel_Queen)



Category: New Girl (TV 2011), The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: A lot of dick jokes, Alternate Universe - No Island (The Wilds), Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/F, couldn't even tell you which one, happy work in progress wednesday, it should still be fun tho tbh, no beta we die like jeanette, so many dick jokes, this is just the plot of one of their episodes, y'all ever watched new girl?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29963667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Camel_Queen/pseuds/girlbossgretchen
Summary: “I knew this would happen,” Leah said.“Toni,” Shelby’s hand was supporting her back, “I’m taking you to see my friend, give me your keys.”“Shelby no,” Toni said.Shelby met her eyes.or: Toni injures her back and is forced to spend time with Martha's perky new best friend.
Relationships: Dot Campbell & Shelby Goodkind, Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke, Martha Blackburn & Toni Shalifoe, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 20
Kudos: 100





	enjoy your youth (sounds like a threat)

“Okay,” Toni started, “I’ll take point, Marty do a pick around number four, Leah you’ll cut left to take the pass, Fatin make sure you’re open under the basket, Shelby I need you to go down and out towards the parking lot and we’ll meet you back at the loft. Break.” 

“Oh ha ha,” Shelby said. 

They got into their positions regardless, Toni definitely taking the pickup game too seriously but for a moment, the ball in her hand, the sweat in her mouth, it was perfect—right. 

Martha did the pick, Leah took the pass, Fatin was free and Toni was racing towards the basket for the rebound and—

“Toni I’m so sorry!” Shelby climbed off of her.

“Did you do a pick on me?” Toni demanded. “Fuck! My back!” 

“Toni!” Martha ran over, her hands instantly going to Toni’s shoulders and fire shot up her spine. 

“Fuck! Everyone stop touching me!” 

Shelby attempted to take her hand and Toni wished she had nails enough to scratch her with. “Oh my god what do you not understand about stop touching me?” 

“Do you think it’s her vertebra?” Leah asked. 

“I read about that, it could totally be her vertebra,” Fatin added in. 

Toni groaned, “Fuck this is real, this hurts, oh my god.” 

Shelby was near her again, “Toni, let me help you, I was a nurse at—” 

“I don’t care,” Toni growled, “I want you away from me.” She’d be fine, this was fine, she’d get up and “OH FUCK!” 

“Toni,” Martha ran a hand through Toni’s hair, “I’m gonna help you up, okay?” 

Toni shook her head, tears streaming down her face, “I’m fine, really, Marty, no need to—oh god, Jesus Christ, what the fuck—worry.” 

“You know it could be her ACL,” Fatin said. 

“Oh my god it could so be her ACL,” Leah agreed. 

“Toni,” Shelby was right next to her, “what do you need?”

“Nothing from you,” Toni gritted out. “I can taste my spine. Why is no one helping me?” Shelby touched her elbow and Toni snatched it away, letting out a whimper when her spine twisted the wrong way again. “Not you! Not you. Why is no one helping me?” 

Eventually, through a lot of grunts and more tears than Toni would be willing to admit, Martha managed to get her to her feet. Leah helped half drag half carry her to her car and she sighed in relief at the sight of it. 

“Toni,” Shelby was still at her side. “Please let me drive you to your doctor, you’re not okay to drive.” 

“No thanks,” Toni gritted out. “Just going home.” 

“You’re not going to the doctor?” Shelby asked. 

“Don’t have a doctor,” Toni said. “Don’t have insurance.” 

“Toni, you have to go to a doctor, if only to make sure you’re not spreading anything,” Fatin said. 

“I don’t go to doctors,” Toni argued, taking the last few steps to her car alone, hand on her back like an old lady. 

“I can take you to my friend,” Shelby said. “She’ll just look at you, she won’t charge you.” 

Toni managed to open the door of her car and stumbled inside. “I don’t go to doctors.” 

“Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” Leah asked. 

“Yes!” Toni snarled at her. “I’m great. I’ve never been better.” She slammed the door, a little disappointed she had left her windows down so the impact was lost. 

“Toni,” Martha said. “Please don’t do this.” 

“I’m feeling better already,” Toni said. “See you guys back at the loft.” She turned the ignition and the car stuttered to a start. 

She blinked her eyes and she was in a new location, behind Martha’s car in fact. 

“Oh my god!” Martha ran over. “That was my car!” 

Toni stumbled out, examining the fender she had bender. 

“Eh,” she knocked at the duct tape that was holding it on. “Could be worse. I think I actually undented some stuff.”

“Martha, sweetheart,” Fatin put an arm around Martha’s shoulders, “Get a new fucking car.” 

The car was a piece of shit, an ugly shade of blue, with green doors because Martha had to get them replaced. The back window was a cardboard box, all of the other windows were cracked, and the top was held on by bungee cords. 

“I knew this would happen,” Leah said.

“Toni,” Shelby’s hand was supporting her back, “I’m taking you to see my friend, give me your keys.” 

“Shelby no,” Toni said. 

Shelby met her eyes.

  
Shelby’s friend was another Texan that crawled out from whatever bible infested, best friend stealing small town Shelby was born in. 

“She’s fitting us between patients,” Shelby explained, continuing to rub at Toni’s back, despite Toni’s vocal protestations. It wasn’t even doing anything. 

Toni looked around, mostly out of sheer boredom, and eyebrows rose to the top of her skull. They were the only two women in the office. 

“Shelby,” Toni gritted through her teeth. “Is your friend a dick doctor?” 

“She’s a urologist,” Shelby scrolled through her Instagram, still rubbing her back, “Different thing. Does kidneys too.” 

“I’m gonna actually go,” Toni decided, struggling to her feet. Shelby’s hand grabbed her shirt. 

“No you’re not.”

“I don’t have a dick,” Toni informed her. 

“She also does kidneys,” Shelby responded. 

Toni groaned. 

“You know what?” Shelby said. “I’m sorry my only friend is a dick doctor, but you don’t have insurance, and it was very nice of her to see us short notice. So you’re gonna stay seated and we’re gonna do a Buzz Feed quiz. Let’s see: ‘which American whistleblower are you?’ That’s in poor taste, I hope I get Reality Winner,” Shelby said. 

Toni glared at her. 

  
In the relative safety of the operating room the walls were covered and that means absolutely covered in penises—penisi? peni? penux?—covered un a flock of penis? a murder? a library? a school? what’s a group of peni called anyway? Oh right, a frat, that was a dumb question. 

“You know you don’t have to keep rubbing my back,” Toni muttered, face down on the chair 

“I’m sorry,” Shelby’s hands immediately left, “Does it hurt?” 

“…no,” Toni said. 

Shelby’s hands returned. 

“Shelby!” A new voice called out and thank god Shelby’s friend sounded like a lesbian. 

“Dot,” Shelby responded. There was some kissy kissy Texas style greeting or something and Toni finally met her maker. The grim reaper was a no nonsense butch lesbian who looked like she could probably cage wrestle Toni to the ground and star in her own survival show about how to street fight with grizzly bears. 

“Nice to meet you, Toni,” Shelby’s friend, Dot apparently, said. 

“Yeah,” Toni said. 

“So what happened?” Dot asked. 

“We were playing pick up and I accidentally tackled her,” Shelby said. 

“She did an illegal moving pick on her own fucking teammate,” Toni corrected.

“Aren’t you supposed to be some ex-WNBA player?” Dot asked. 

“You’ve met Martha?” Toni asked. 

“Nah, Shelby said. Don’t be embarrassed, Shelby once clobbered me to the ground too,” Dot said.

“You were telling lies about my boyfriend,” Shelby said, grinning. 

“Now that was a horrible phase,” Dot laughed and instantly her hands were on Toni’s back and Toni was screaming. 

“Buck up wimp,” Dot said, she moved her hands around some more and Toni bit her lip. “You have some slight bruising.” She turned to Shelby, “Flip her over.” 

Shelby grabbed her by the elbow and flipped her, much to Toni’s intense discomfort, and Dot grabbed an unmarked orange container, which she handed to Shelby, and handed Toni two pills and a cup with water.

“This isn’t an official examination, this isn’t an official diagnosis, and I am not officially giving you these pills to manage the pain,” She handed the pills to Toni. 

“Okay,” Toni said, taking them.

“Please don’t take those pills,” Dot said. 

Toni paused. 

“Take the pills, it’s a code,” Shelby said. 

“Don’t take the pills,” Dot said. 

“Take ‘em,” Shelby said. 

“Nobody prescribed them, why would you do that?” 

“She means take ‘em.” 

“That’s bad, don’t take the pills.” 

“Just take ‘em, Toni.” 

“Toni, I can’t tell you to take those pills.” 

Toni put them in her mouth and drank the water. 

“Noooooo,” Dot sighed as she watched Toni take them. “Great okay. That’s for severe pelvic pain, so it should cure your baby back ache.” 

Toni sighed. “Do you really do kidneys?” 

“Mmhm,” Dot said. “Wait actually stop, take another sip of water for me?” 

Toni blinked but took another sip. Dot’s hands were on her throat, “Yeah that’s what I thought.” 

Toni tried to move away but Shelby’s hand appeared on the side of her face, keeping her in place. “Toni, I swear to god, hold still.” 

“Okay, Shelby, stop,” Toni muttered. 

“Yeah that’s what I thought,” Dot’s hands were cold. “You have a growth on your thyroid.” 

“Oh my god, Toni,” Shelby said. “A growth?” 

“Oh no,” Toni looked at Dot, “I know what you’re talking about I can swallow and everything, it’s fine.” 

“You knew about this?” Shelby demanded.

“So you’ve had it checked out?” Dot asked.

“No, I’m not getting it checked out,” Toni said. 

“I’ve got a friend,” Dot said. “She’ll see you first thing tomorrow for an ultrasound.” 

“I can’t afford an ultrasound,” Toni said. 

Dot shrugged, “You’re gonna have to. We still on for drinks later, Shelby?” 

“Yup!”

Dot left the room and Shelby turned back to face Toni. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Toni said. 

“It’s probably nothing,” Shelby said. 

“Yeah it’s nothing.” 

“Let’s go out for ice cream!” Shelby said, smiling brightly. 

Toni groaned. 

  
“I’m not going to that ultrasound, Shelby,” Toni said. Shelby looked at her, waiting. “I’ve got too much to do. Workouts, people to see, I promised Martha I’d look into anger management classes. I haven’t gotten around to that. Books, those are still a thing, right? Yeah I’ve gotta do that. Maybe a library or something? I’ll ask Leah. So I can’t make it.”

Shelby kept looking at her and Toni looked back at her banana split. 

“I lost a stamp,” Toni told her. “That seems small but it isn’t. So I gotta find that. I moved to LA to take surfing lessons. We actually live way further from the ocean than I expected though. I appreciate your concern though.” 

Shelby’s eyes were very green and very large and capable of holding way more disappointment than Martha’s. Martha kinda expected this kind of behavior from Toni, it wasn’t fair that Shelby hadn’t given up and decided to just enable her yet. 

“I mean it,” Toni nodded. “It’s cool that you care about Martha’s childhood friend or whatever, but like. I’m fine. We’re cool, it’s fine. This machine is still kicking and I’ll be fine.” 

Shelby nodded, and put a hand over Toni’s. “You’re going,” she said. “And I know you’re scared, but you know what my daddy used to do when I was scared.” 

“Please don’t say it.” 

“Let’s pray,” Shelby closed her eyes and bowed her head and Toni got to her feet. 

“And I’m done, thanks for the banana split. I’m going to work.” 

“I’ll come with you,” Shelby said. 

“Nope.” 

“C’mon Toni, I’ll just sit by the bar.” 

“No way.” 

  
“How did you multiply?” Toni demanded, glaring at the four people now sitting there. “I hate you all,” Toni glared at Shelby. “I can’t believe you told them. It’s not a big deal.”

“We’re just hanging out,” Fatin said, smiling.

“Hanging out with my best friend,” Martha swallowed hard, all choked up. “I’m gonna go ask them to play Juicy.” 

She got up and went in the direction of the bathroom. 

“I’m the them Marty. You’re going the wrong way. I’m not playing Juicy either. Oh my god.” 

“You’re gonna beat this,” Shelby said. 

“Why did you do this?” Toni said. “You know what, all of you, out! Get away. Go sit in the back.” 

They all got up and Shelby stayed seated, watching her. 

“Get outta here before I call security,” Toni said. 

“You are security,” Shelby said but got up anyway, moving to the back. 

Toni did her best to ignore the table, even when Dot showed up and Toni was forced to feel her eyes on her, watching her like she might collapse any moment. 

“Hey,” Rachel said, always the last to show up, Nora had gotten there a half hour before. Toni nodded at her. “So I heard.” 

Toni groaned, “It’s no big—”

“Can I get a vodka soda?” 

Toni blinked, “You know what? Thank you. You being normal—”

“Vodka soda.” 

“Yeah,” Toni started making it.

Rachel went to go sit down and Toni decided to say fuck it, and made them all drinks, their orders memorized by now. She walked over and Martha had joined them, openly crying. Shelby was trying to hold back tears. Dot looked grim, which was never a good face on a doctor. Fatin looked actually nervous, which had never happened before, and Leah was making less eye contact than Nora who was, uncharacteristically, staring at her. Rachel looked bored. 

Toni swallowed hard. 

“Dot, these pills are great. My penis has never felt better,” Toni said. “I feel great, really good and healthy.” She sat down and they all kept doing the thing. “Marty?” 

“You’ve got such a beautiful soul,” Martha said, “Oh god!” She put her head on Fatin’s shoulder and Fatin wrapped an arm around her as Martha cried. 

“Here’s looking at you, kid,” Leah said. She raised her drink and downed it one go. 

“If I could trade places, Toni,” Rachel said. “I’d do it in a second. I’m also really glad I can’t.” 

“Because of the cancer?” Nora asked. 

“The what?” Toni said. 

“We don’t know it’s cancer,” Dot said. 

“You’re freaking her out,” Rachel hissed.

“What is going on?” 

Tears starting falling down Shelby’s cheeks and okay that kinda freaked Toni out. Martha cried when she made eggs in the morning, Shelby hunted animals for sport. 

“Shelby,” Toni rounded on her. “What.” 

Rachel burst into tears and Toni whipped around to her. “Rachel?” 

Fatin was the next, “We love you so much, we’re always gonna be here for you.” 

Dot put a hand on her shoulder, “I’ll be there every step. We haven’t known each other for long but I never leave a friend hanging.” Even she looked teary eyed. 

“Okay you know what?” Toni got to her feet. “I’m fine. I’m so fine. So if you all could stop freaking out, and stop crying—” Leah wiped at her eyes. “We can all go back to our lives where I have an addiction to penis pain pills. Say that three times fast.” 

“How do you know you’re fine?” Shelby asked. She pulled out her phone and showed it to Toni and Toni blinked at it. 

And listen, she had never been a great believer in WebMD, but the ninety-eight percent match in symptoms was kinda damning. 

Tumor, was also in really big, bright red letters. 

Toni felt at the bump she’d been ignoring on her throat for the last month. “Is that?” She swallowed hard. “That’s what I—that’s what it—” She sat back down. “That’s—? It’s in my neck? Now? Hm.” 

  
They all stuck around as she closed the bar for the night around one am. 

Leah was nice enough to let her get drunk as she took over Toni’s shift for most of the night. Or, nice enough was an overstatement. But she had done it, regardless. 

“I think,” Toni’s tongue was bigger than her mouth, “The pills might be on top of me, right now. My penis feels a lot bigger than it did this morning, when I didn’t have one.” 

“I think you might be right,” Shelby said. How did Toni always get stuck with Shelby? Martha had claimed she just needed to grab something from her car forty-five minutes ago, but had taken Nora and was probably crying in there with her. “Look at ‘em,” She nodded behind her and Toni turned. 

“It’s so sad,” Fatin was saying to Leah. She stood behind the bar with her. 

“She’s getting an ultrasound,” Dot said, drinking something dark brown in large quantities.

Fatin put her head on Leah’s boobs, “It’s so hard.” 

“Fatin I will personally make sure you never have children,” Leah said.

“Fine with me,” Fatin said. 

Toni rolled her eyes and turned back to Shelby, “Personally I’m terrified of Fatin one day having children.” 

“I’ll drink to that,” Shelby said. “Why did the hawk land on the steeple?” 

Toni shrugged. 

“It was a bird of pray.” 

Toni groaned, putting her head in her hands as Shelby threw peanuts at her. 

“You don’t get to speak at my funeral,” Toni muttered. 

“What? C’mon I was an ordained youth pastor,” Shelby said. 

“For that joke,” Toni said, “You don’t get to speak at my funeral. One hundred percent.” 

“Why?” Shelby whined, pushing at Toni’s forearm. 

“I don’t want you talking at my funeral,” Toni decided. “You can go but you can’t talk. At all. It has to be like the quiet game, oh my god do you remember the quiet game?” 

“I always lost that game first,” Rachel said from behind the piano. “Nora always won.” 

“It’s my time to shine,” Toni said. “I want all the girls to be like ‘she was so cool and mysterious’ and ‘I should’ve eaten her out when I had the chance,’ you know?” Toni asked. 

Shelby looked confused, “But I—”

“I don’t want ice cream, and prayers, and your fucking ponytail, and a dick doctor—” 

“Urologist,” Dot corrected from the bar.

“And puns about churches. You aren’t real,” Toni finished. “You can’t be—you don’t know how to do that. You just—you’re not real.” 

Shelby’s face did the silent thing again, where she watched her. 

“I can’t have you trying to cheer people up,” Toni said. “What if Regan comes all the way from Minnesota? What then? And there’s some blonde girl who still calls her dad daddy and doesn’t know that moving picks are illegal.” 

“I can be real,” Shelby said. 

Toni shook her head, “Then why are there two of you, or like—three?” The Shelby’s frowned at her.

  
“To Toni Shalifoe,” Martha said, she raised her cheap beer, “Ex-WNBA player.” 

“To Toni,” Everyone agreed. 

“All around me are familiar places, worn out places, worn out faces,” Rachel mumbled, her fingers stumbling over the keys and she drank more of her beer. 

“What is that? That’s beautiful.” Toni said. 

“We should sing P!nk,” Fatin said. 

“Bright an early for the daily races,” Toni tried then shook her head. “You do the thing, Rachel.” 

“Bright and early for the daily races, going nowhere, going nowheeeeere,” Rachel sang.

“Why is your sister the artist?” Toni put her head on Rachel’s shoulder, Rachel didn’t even punch her. “No offense Nora.”

“She had to be the joke,” Nora blinked, “I said jock right?” 

“You said cock,” Dot said. 

“I’ve got a cock,” Toni pulled out the pills, “Thanks to Shelby’s dick doctor.”

“I do kidneys,” Dot said. 

“It is so weird being sober right now,” Leah said. 

“Martha start rapping,” Toni said. 

Martha nodded, “ _Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis_  
_When I was dead broke, man, I couldn't picture this_ ,” 

“Their tears are filling up their glasses, no expression, no expression,” Rachel continued. Nora grabbed Rachel’s beer and finished it off. 

“50-inch screen, money-green leather sofa, got two rides, a limousine with a chauffeur,” Fatin jumped in. 

“Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow, no tomorrooooooow,” Rachel continued. 

“ _We used to fuss when the landlord dissed us_  
_No heat, wonder why Christmas missed us_  
_Birthdays was the worst days_  
_Now we sip Champagne when we thirsty,_ ” Toni finished, never too drunk and high to screw up those words. 

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Dot clapped her back.

“ _And I find it kinda funny_  
_I find it kinda sad_  
_The dreams in which I'm dying_  
_Are the best I've ever had_ ,” Rachel sang out, louder. 

“See she’s the joke,” Nora said.

“The cock,” Fatin agreed. 

“Cock of the walk bitches!” Rachel grabbed a random beer and spilled most of it on the keys. 

“I feel like I should be filming this,” Leah said. 

“You know what your problem is, Toni?” Shelby asked.

Toni met her eyes, the whole room going quiet. 

“You never do anything,” Shelby said. “What? You wanted real? Fine. You’re almost thirty, you could have cancer, and what do you have to show for it? What have you done? Ever?” 

“I’ve done things,” Toni said. Shelby rose her eyebrows, “I got kicked out of the WNBA before my first season, doesn’t that count?” 

“C’mon Toni,” Shelby walked over to her, “If you could do anything right now, anything at all, what would it be? What do you wanna do?” 

Toni blinked at her and even with everything a little foggy and slower than usual, she realized she didn’t know. Even when she was sober she didn’t know. She worked at a bar like a maladjusted grad student trying to pay off their student loans, which she’d never finish paying off cause she never even finished college. She walked through her days, didn’t even run, like she was lost in the middle of a scuba diving lesson gone wrong and if she turned around the shark from Jaws would eat her. She hadn’t even seen Jaws. 

“I can’t just,” her tongue felt huge in her mouth again. “I mean like—it’s like two am Shelby.” 

“You know what?” Shelby said. “You’re gonna learn to surf.” 

Toni’s eyes widened, “What?” 

  
Martha’s car was still a piece of shit but Leah was driving it. LA was so far from any decent surfing coasts so it was past three when they made it. They also had to stop by Rachel’s for the boards. 

“I wanna say again that you guys are drunk, it’s dark and cold, and this is a bad idea,” Leah said. 

“Gotta keep us safe then, Baywatch,” Fatin winked, as she stumbled out of the car. 

“I’ll hold your wallet,” Shelby said. 

“I don’t have a wallet,” Toni said. “I’ve got a sandwich bag with my license and money in it. Now also my penis pills.” She handed it to Shelby. 

“The first thing you’re gonna do,” Rachel said, dragging Toni forward into the sand, “Is you're gonna take the board, and ride it. Okay?” 

“Yeah,” Toni nodded. She shrugged off her shirt, then her pants, “I’m not too drunk for this right?” 

“Nah,” Fatin said. 

“I’m not a drink doctor,” Dot said. 

“I’m not an alcohol,” Martha argued. 

Rachel handed Toni the board, “Surfs up.” 

“I’ve got 911 on speed dial,” Leah told them. 

“Toni you got great boobs,” Nora informed her. Toni nodded at her. And before she could sober up, or think twice, or think once, she charged. 

That was how she did things when she needed to do them, she charged, head first. She jumped into the water, hoping to land on the board and—

“HOLY FUCK!” 

Cold shot through and ended whatever warm penis glow she had gotten from the pills. Her spine was the only thing warm and that was because it was on fire. She doggie paddled towards the shore in knee deep water, and dragged herself on the surf, throwing the board as far up as she could. As soon as she managed to drag herself out she was bolting towards her friends who were bolting towards her. 

“IT’S SO COLD SHELBY THIS WAS SUCH A BAD IDEA FUCK YOU!” 

“Oh lord,” Shelby said, holding out Toni’s shirt which she must’ve retrieved from the ground. 

“My penis is gone, my nipples are inverted, the war of 1912 was a farce!” Toni screamed. She ripped the shirt from Shelby’s hands and shoved it back on, shivering. “Words cannot describe how frozen I feel.” 

“Are you okay?” Shelby asked, helping her put it on. 

“No!” Toni ripped away from her. “I’m not okay! I’m not okay. I woke up today wanting to kick ass at basketball and then I hurt my back and then I went to your dick doctor—”

“I do kidneys too.” 

“And now I might have cancer!” Toni finished. “So no I’m not okay!” She ran further down the beach and put her head in her hands. 

She just needed a minute. To sober up, to stop tasting her back, to stop struggling to swallow, to stop shivering, to stop walking through her life. She needed everything to pause for a minute. 

Martha put her jacket around her but thankfully wandered back to the group. Eventually, everyone seemed to get the message and they settled into the sand. 

“You know what I’m thinking about?” Toni heard Fatin asked Leah. 

“What?” 

“There’s gonna be a perfect imprint of our butts in the sand when we get up.”

“That’s what you’re thinking about?” Leah asked. “With Toni going through what she’s going through you’re thinking about our butts? Why would you say that?” 

“I don’t know!” Fatin responded. “What am I supposed to say? I’ve never gone through this before.” 

“I have,” Dot said. “My dad died when I was sixteen.” 

Toni flinched. 

“The only way to get through it is to get through it,” Dot said. 

Toni didn’t want to be part of someone’s tragic backstory, a statistic to encourage young people to worry about cancer. She didn’t want to do nothing for her whole life and have nothing to show for it. 

She collapsed on her back and made sand angels, getting it all over her hair and stuck in the folds of her clothes. She was soaked, and would be brushing off sand for the next week but she remembered why she moved to LA. The ocean had a way of cleaning you, making you empty so you could be whole again. Maybe Shelby was onto something with the whole baptism thing. 

“This seat taken?” Speak of the devil. 

“Help me up?” Toni asked and Shelby’s hand appeared at her shoulder, and the other at her hand and Toni leaned herself up. “Thanks.” 

“I’m sorry,” Shelby said. “I didn’t mean to—to push you or anything.” 

“No,” Toni said. She met Shelby’s eyes, “If you hadn’t pushed me I never would’ve gone to the doctor and never would’ve met Dot and,” Toni sighed. “Shelby I’m always pushing people away but I need to do things, don’t I? Like I’ve gotta start pushing myself and making a fucking plan, I can’t be a freeloader forever.” 

“You pay rent,” Shelby said. 

Toni rolled her eyes, “I don’t mean like that.” 

“So make a plan,” Shelby said. 

Toni nodded. “Shelby?” Shelby stared into her, like she always did. “I like having you around. But I’m not gonna remember any of this in the morning. So.” 

Shelby smiled. 

In some universe in the vast expanse of the multiverse, Toni would’ve taken one less pill, would’ve denied the last beer Rachel offered her. But this wasn’t that universe. Because when Toni woke up, Shelby on her chest, she couldn’t remember the way the blonde’s lips tasted, or how soft they’d been, or how right it’d been to feel them. 

She just woke up and sighed at the way the sun rose over the ocean. She checked her phone, it’d take another hour to get into the city. First thing, Dot had said. 

“Shelby,” Toni muttered. Shelby stirred. “I’m late, we gotta go.” She looked over the beach, “Marty! Reids! Jadmani! Rilke! Up and at ‘em.” She got to her feet, her back feeling better, and helped Shelby up too. “C’mon Doctor Dick,” she called to Dot who rubbed at her eyes. 

“Kidneys too.” 

They stumbled into the car, Martha hadn’t even bothered to lock it because half of its floors were made of plastic water bottles. There was some talk of coffee but Toni vetoed. 

The drive was mostly silent but they were already three quarters of the way there when she realized she hadn’t let go of Shelby’s hand when she helped her up, and was still wearing Martha’s jacket. 

She didn’t let go, even as they walked in, the eight of them, covered in sand and smelling like saltwater. 

“I have a nine am,” Toni said. “Toni Shalifoe.” 

“Alright,” the front desk woman said. “I’ll need a copy of your health insurance and can you fill this out?” She held out a clipboard that Toni took. 

“I’ll be paying in cash, actually,” Toni said. 

  
The ultra sound was cold but the doctor was nice enough as she explained what the images meant. Toni stumbled out in a daze, blinking as seven people stood in the waiting room for her. 

For her. 

Shelby looked like she’d just been praying. For her. 

She hugged Martha’s jacket closer. “It’s not—it’s not cancer.” They all let out a sigh of relief and Martha was in her arms faster than she could blink. “You gotta stop crying, Marty, you’ll get dehydrated.” 

“Coffee now?” Rachel asked. 

“Yeah,” Toni said. “Hold on.” She went back to the front desk and pulled out her plastic bag but the woman smiled and shook her head. 

“Taken care of.” 

Toni turned, looking at the seven of them. 

“Split seven ways it was much cheaper,” Nora explained. “It’s only logical.” 

“I’ll pay you guys back,” Toni said. 

“Coffee,” Rachel said. 

“Pay us back by getting a wallet,” Fatin said. 

“I’ve got a wallet.” Toni held up the baggie.

“A wallet,” Fatin said. 

So they trooped out, and trooped into Martha’s car. But something still felt off so Toni turned to Shelby, who Toni had woken up with. Yesterday morning she had wished Shelby would go back to Texas, now she couldn’t imagine her life without her.

“What happened last night?” She asked. 

Shelby smiled, “Nothing too interesting.” 

Toni shrugged. 

The car spluttered, once, twice, a third time. Toni sighed and they all trooped out again. 

“One more time!” Martha begged but they all kept walking, walking to whatever place had the cheapest, shittiest coffee. Eventually, Martha followed too. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!!!! i'm gus!!!! i've been writing for she-ra and now i'm writing for the wilds bc fuck me that's why. i have theories and meta and more writing on my tumblr [@womenlovingwonderwoman](https://womenlovingwonderwoman.tumblr.com/). so if you want to scream about how gretchen's son is definitely not devon or how toni has a thing for theatre kids, hmu. 
> 
> it's wip wednesday and if you like this comment and i'll post some other stuff i've written and keep posting!!!!!! or if you didn't like this don't comment bc i have the self-esteem of a cat recently shaved due to their inability to keep their fur clean of knots. (title is from blue lips by regina spektor)


End file.
